Me Skills Podcast #038: What Ends With You?

Not a mom, not going to be…but…
You always hear about this cycle that repeats and repeats – but I saw physical abuse from parents dry up on both sides of my family.

My dad's dad zero'd in on him (easy target, because he was so desperate for affection and hugs?), the second of his 10 kids. As a father, he never laid a hand on any of us and was extremely generous with hugs, nicknames and physical demonstrations of affection. He made plenty of mistakes in a million ways, but we never questioned that he loved us, and he never ever hit us.

My maternal-maternal-maternal great-grandmother, as the oldest and healthiest of 5, took some vicious physical abuse from her alcoholic father to protect the others. She was very "strict" with my grandmother, which would definitely be classified as child abuse now. My grandmother was strict with my mom, but my mom barely remembers it because punishment of some sort was actually earned from her rebellious nature (I feel that's a big part of abuse – confusing the victim by making them feel they deserve what they're getting, when they did nothing wrong). I got spanked as a kid, but nothing that felt excessive…and only undeserved because my sister was way better at lying than I was, lol.

Now neither of my sisters use anything physical to punish their kids. I don't think that's working so well for one of them (they never gave their son structure, and he very much thrives on structure as it turns out), but the other has really great, well-adjusted kids who just don't want to disappoint their parents.

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Katie McCarthy says:

February 20, 2025 at 2:06 pm

Not a mom, not going to be…but…
You always hear about this cycle that repeats and repeats – but I saw physical abuse from parents dry up on both sides of my family.

My dad's dad zero'd in on him (easy target, because he was so desperate for affection and hugs?), the second of his 10 kids. As a father, he never laid a hand on any of us and was extremely generous with hugs, nicknames and physical demonstrations of affection. He made plenty of mistakes in a million ways, but we never questioned that he loved us, and he never ever hit us.

My maternal-maternal-maternal great-grandmother, as the oldest and healthiest of 5, took some vicious physical abuse from her alcoholic father to protect the others. She was very "strict" with my grandmother, which would definitely be classified as child abuse now. My grandmother was strict with my mom, but my mom barely remembers it because punishment of some sort was actually earned from her rebellious nature (I feel that's a big part of abuse – confusing the victim by making them feel they deserve what they're getting, when they did nothing wrong). I got spanked as a kid, but nothing that felt excessive…and only undeserved because my sister was way better at lying than I was, lol.

Now neither of my sisters use anything physical to punish their kids. I don't think that's working so well for one of them (they never gave their son structure, and he very much thrives on structure as it turns out), but the other has really great, well-adjusted kids who just don't want to disappoint their parents.