You Can Choose New

RE: Autonomy Skills

In case this is a new word for you, autonomy is a person’s ability to act on their own interests and values.

I struggled to understand what personal autonomy was as a young adult – and certainly didn’t practice it well.

My struggles with personal autonomy comes from childhood abuse.

From my earliest memories, I don’t recall being given choices.

I remember making requests, but rarely getting what I asked for and heard no a lot.

I was actually taught to NOT make requests. Sometimes by direct instruction, being told ‘It’s rude to ask for things’ and other times by indirect means – I just noticed that my mom got annoyed when I made requests. So I just stopped.

Imagine how difficult it is to act on your own interests and values when you can’t make a simple request in most cases – when knowing what you want is not followed by asking for what you want because it’s been trained out of you.

My journey practicing self autonomy has been a long and the ability I have to know myself and act on what I know is something I celebrate.

Coaching was a priceless tool for the journey. I had to learn how to slow down and truly listen to myself. I needed support and encouragement to dig under the surface and find the real me – my true personal desires for this life.

Today I can create more of what I want because I am practicing self autonomy.

Here’s something absolutely true: You can choose new.

How about you? How in touch with yourself, your values and your interests are you? How well do you practice your autonomy skills?

I’d freaking LOVE to have conversations about this. Anyone looking to boost their autonomy skills, book a chat with me and let’s see how I can support you.


Autonomy Skills

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    1. I like what you’ve said. Interesting though, people who lack personal autonomy often over-help others. That sparks some juicy thoughts for me.

  1. Thanks for participating in this months, UBC!

    As a mother of six children and being asked for things on a constant basis, and also having not always been in a financial situation to provide very much, I understand parents need to say no sometimes.

    Although I do not know what your personal circumstances were, or what you’re being told no to, it’s hard to decipher from your post.

    I appreciate your sharing and wish you all the luck in the UBC.

    1. Hello Jean 🙂 For sure! There are always reasons for saying no to kids. It’s not the no that harms. It’s how the no is delivered. I’m sure with you there is consideration and explanation. We teach our kids to value themselves and others when we hear requests and respond to them with love. Hearing no and being provided context for the no doesn’t undermine personal autonomy – rather I think it strengthens it.

  2. Kelly, I love this post. I remember growing up similarly where you didn't have choices. It was 'do as I say'. However, as I got older (and had children), I realized how important it was for each person to use his or her voice. We are unique individuals and should be allowed to express our uniqueness. My way of practising autonomy is for being firm in what I believe. I don't jump on the bandwagon…instead, I am not afraid to stand out amongst the crowd for being me.

    1. Desi-Ann! Hello you! I imagine you are good at taking things in slow so that you can operate from your own values. Those who do jump on bandwagons are often responding to knee-jerk feelings that can pass. I like the unique YOU 🥰

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